i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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