ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
pop tarts are not kleenex
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
