I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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