is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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