good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's just like the Real World with babies
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
