I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
