I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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