I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he shaved USA in his pubs
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
