Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
