I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
