wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
