please come you make the beer taste better
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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