my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
