I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just google imaged poop.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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