There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
