The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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