If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
