drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
