there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
