Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
