It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
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If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
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You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize