All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
