when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
