Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Edward fifth and chaser hands
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
