i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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