Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
