people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
