I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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