If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
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She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
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Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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