PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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