there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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