oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Are my feet made of real feet?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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