2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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