she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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