But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Randomize
