I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
