The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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