she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
