Don't you send me to vm
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
