You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
