He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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