hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
