Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
