Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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