Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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