dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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