There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
