So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
