Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
