Porn is love you can see.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
