oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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