If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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