doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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