she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
