he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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