i think i have two assholes
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
