I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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