$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
