Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
