I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
