upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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