Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
