I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
