Where is the hickey?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
