wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
